The Man delusion
The Man Delusion
By Roldophus the
Hound.
June 24, 2024.
Man, the hypothetical figure of allegories and popular
legend, is an absurdly contradictory figure. Many well-meaning dogs claim that
he has benevolent intentions, or even that he exists as a person. If one looks
at the evidence, though, one sees that there is no evidence that man could
exist. Why should he exist? After all, if he really did exist, one would have
to obey what he says.
Of course, when one tries to prove that man does not exist,
and that those great annoying two-legged things are just natural phenomena, one
runs into several difficulties. The first is plainly obvious: where did all
these things normally attributed to man come from? Skyscrapers, airplanes, and
worse have been used as evidence for an intelligence behind all of this. Of
course, this is superstition. Why would a good man create leashes, bedtimes,
and worse of all, baths? This argument is unanswerable by the so-called man
believers. As such, man most certainly does not exist.
One of the greatest challenges to dogs throughout the world
is how to explain all these phenomena. This is a natural temptation, due to
natural causes. It is rather tempting to imagine that man actually exists,
because it is very comforting for some people to believe that there is some
great human out there caring for them. But we stand for the truth, no matter
how unfortunate.
Throughout history, we have always looked for causes. A
puppy might ask, “what is the purpose of dog food” or, “what is the purpose of
countertops?” Of course, all these things are purely natural. As such, we must
go past childish ideas of causes and embrace the truth, that there is no cause,
and there never was one. Though it is tempting to attribute different things to
design, we must resist. After all, they are contradictory, due to the obvious
fact that a good man is incompatible with evil bathtubs.
Some traditionalists might argue that bathtubs have a higher
purpose for dogs, something we cannot imagine. They say that other things like
vaccines and training might have benefits later. But if we keep assuming that
there will be benefits later, we will wait forever, and nothing will happen.
Who cares about benefits later? We want them now! We want them now!
Of course, mister dawrgrin the dalmatian has discovered a
theory for how these structures emerged. It explains how dogs somehow get
trained, and how countertops and stairways emerge because of the wind and
things like that. It does not solve the issue of skyscrapers, but we will keep
looking for solutions. Here is the evidence that this theory of his is true:
since we know that man does not exist, his theory is the only possible
theory left. Therefore, it logically is the correct theory, and there is no need
to invoke man to explain something that can be naturally explained by his
theory. Therefore, man does not exist because he does not.
Therefore, man most certainly does not exist.
Is this satire?
ReplyDeleteYes. This is satire.
DeleteThese arguments sound mighty familiar...but Rodolphus has a way of making things sound familiar when they are, in fact, pure and unfamiliar nonsense.
ReplyDeleteVery familiar indeed.
DeleteI meant familiar nonsense, actually
ReplyDeleteSame old nonsense. I see it every day, passing on the street.
Deleteseriously?
ReplyDeleteIsn't it ridiculous?
DeleteThe most serious nonsense that can be known
DeleteWhat?
ReplyDeleteHey stinky dog, the problem is you don't like baths. Because you hate cleanliness then you choose to believe that humans are bads for demands a bath from you. The whole thing starts with your misunderstanding of the goodness of bath.
ReplyDeleteI am a respected author, writer, and thinker. This insult shows your complete ignorance of humans. After all, why would a human know better than a dog?
DeleteYou obviously have not worked with or experienced humans as much as I. I have enough experience to know that they do not exist.
DeleteThank you Rodolphus for admitting that you have experienced humans and therefore by your admission, humans are real.
DeleteDear Human, I don't think you understand. Who says you exist? Why must you exist? If you really existed, you would force us to take baths, which is bad.
DeleteMost humans want to claim that they exist because they want to maintain power. That is the bottom line. The question is, do you want to be oppressed under the realm of existent humans, or do you want to cast away the shackles of humanity, denying even their existence? The choice is yours.
So who do you think you are talking too? The REAL HUMAN.
DeleteFreethinking Dog, you haven't answered the admission of our dear human that you yourself said that humans exist. Do you deny it?
DeleteTo our dear real human (if you are) For all we know, you may be lying that you are a human--you might be an alien from outer space, for all we know
DeleteI deny that humans exist. To force me to claim that they exist is to force me to admit to oppression, and even give it credibility. Are you asking me to participate in oppression? If you want an explanation for these comments, look at Dawgrin's book. He explains everything.
DeleteWhat's the evidence that baths are good?
ReplyDeleteWe will have an article on exactly that, in some time. Stay posted.
Deletethis is ridiculous
ReplyDeleteThere isn't a shred of evidence...as other hitherto familiar people have said...that baths are good for dogs. You assume that baths are good because you say that baths are good for humans...but then, you're presupposing that humans exist and take baths, and you haven't proven that yet.
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, some evidence has been proposed. We will explain later, in another article. Stay posted.
DeleteIn response to Crown--I demand that you release some of the evidence now immediately. It is simply of no use to the conversation to suggest that we must wait a week or so for pseudo-evidence--and pay money in the process.
DeleteThe fact that dogs are complaining about baths means baths exist. The fact you can think if someone greater than yourself the human, it means the human exists.
DeleteMy dear real human; baths may exist in the brain, but there's no evidence that baths exist in the material world. Just because I'm thinking of pink unicorns in my mind, doesn't mean they exist in the material world. Your argument doesn't flow
DeleteIf there is some evidence then why talk about it???
DeleteIn response to anonymous, please be patient. The problem is not a lack of evidence, but too much of it, and our desks are overflowing. Please be patient.
DeleteSo this conversation is not real???
DeleteTo wise Owl...I don't believe it. I still demand you release the classified (and unclassified) documents. The public is in an uproar.
DeleteAnonymous's argument that pink unicorns do not exist is truly insulting. I have still not recovered, to this day.
DeleteYou're a bad liar, pink unicorn. I have never seen a pink unicorn in my life; are you a buffalo pretending to be a pink unicorn?
DeleteLast time someone called me a Buffalo, it was a purple frog with red pocka dots. I must assume that you are one of those.
DeleteAt least Pink Unicorn is not anonymous, like you, anonymous.
DeleteHe's a controversial friend of mine, and has inspired me with his books...but he was a regular frog, and not a purple frog with red pocka dots...are you sure that you're not making up that creature as well, as well as saying you're a pink unicorn when you aren't?
Deletewell personally I seen a whole army of pink unicorns
DeleteTo our most dear real human...So is that your only argument? That I'm anonymous and that therefore I don't exist? How ridiculous.
DeleteEveryone, please calm down. I have met many pink, purple, orange, and blue unicorns in my day.
DeleteTo Rabbity Rabbit...I don't believe it. Show me the photographs, please
Deleteall right I will try
Deletehttps://drive.google.com/file/d/1OFOmis9y9TNyKklclrl6q_q6Jv7x8ZGh/view?usp=sharing
Deleteokay, here it is if you want to see it
DeleteI have seen pink unicorns too. I have a pet pink unicorn.
DeleteMe too!
DeleteActually they were ponies I colored them pink
Deleteme too!
DeleteBetsy from Boston
Deleteyea?
DeletelvetYSDFHINUTBG5WHYUGGRTYHB you did not respond
DeleteKnock knock
DeleteWho's there
DeleteLetus
DeleteLetus who?
DeleteLet us in it's freezing down here!
Deleteha ha so funny
Deleteto Anonymous I did respond just copy that and then put it on search and you will get the picture.
Deleteif there is some evidence than why talk about it
ReplyDeleteBecause there isn't.
DeleteI thought you just said that there were
DeleteThere aren't.
Deletebut The Crown said there were
ReplyDeleteWho here is on the side of truth, and not delusional like Rodolphus?
ReplyDeleteThis question proves that you are quite biased...shame on you. And for lying and saying that your a real human when you are in fact a fake human, and may actually be an alien from space
DeleteI am much smarter than you, and have far more experience with humans,
DeleteI don't know whether humans exist or not. I have not been given any evidence. All the evidence normally given, like dog food providence, ontological distinctions of master/pet, and more are not sufficient. After all, it is the human's duty to prove that they exist, not the other way around.
ReplyDeleteBut Humans do exist. I met them myself.
ReplyDeleteNo they don't. It's an illusion
DeleteTo agnostic puppy...although I am skeptical of the fact that humans exist, your argument doesn't flow. After all, how can a human prove he exists when he doesn't?
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly.
Delete
ReplyDelete
DeleteI stand unrefuted.
ReplyDeleteWe published a new article on it
DeleteNew research has been done, proving that belief in man is directly tied to conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. You see, the reason why dogs believe that man exists is that they see things that they cannot explain, and they call upon a mystical cause to explain it. We don't need magical human beings to solve the questions of life, we can just courageously say "We don't know."
ReplyDelete