Man: The Mystery of Existence

By Owly, Owlore, and Owlorey.

We, the Three Librarians, have read and contemplated the thought-provoking work, The Man Delusion, which was published in this very news agency. Though its arguments are creative, we believe that it is fundamentally flawed in its reasoning. Here follows a thorough refutation of Rodolpus's claims.

His first paragraph makes the claim that there is no evidence for humans. This we know to be false. These "great annoying two-legged creatures" have done many things that are very, very complex. After all, we consider nests, burrows, and books to be things of complexity. The argument we can make is as follows: we make nests and burrows. Those "annoying two-legged creatures" make skyscrapers. Who is smarter?

Rodolphus continues to say that "If man exists, then we would have to obey what he says." This may be correct, but it does not negate the existence of man.

Rodolphus goes on to make a very legitimate point: it is difficult to prove that man does not exist, when one considers the existence of "skyscrapers, airplanes, and worse." Rodolphus later quotes Dawgrin to try to prove that man is not needed to explain these things, but in this paragraph, he swiftly changes the subject by saying, in essence, "but we already know that man does not exist, because a good man would not create evil bathtubs."

This point is highly debatable. Yes, we must unfortunately bring up the customary argument: they may have a higher purpose. Furthermore, we think they do have a higher purpose. We observe that though baths are painful, some research, still in the testing phase, suggests a novel theory. After analyzing a large number of coincidences concerning dirt, smells, and heat, it may suggest that baths may have a direct, or indirect, correlation to smelling better. This odd theory was proposed by Alexander Antelope, a colleague of ours who has studied history at the University of Archin Canyon, and science at the University of Porvalavis. This is simply a suggestion, still being tested and improved. We do note, though, that simply being painful does not mean that baths are evil, and if they truly were cleansing (in the way traditionalists suggest) they may be expected to have a moderate amount of pain involved. As for leashes and bedtimes, the same argument applies. We note here that research is being done in this field also, pertaining the purpose of leashes and bedtimes, and that this research involves a great collaborative effort by a number of prestigious universities.

The next paragraph of Rodolphus's work says, simply, that the temptation to attribute causes is natural, and should be ignored. He says that the idea of causes is childish. But we would disagree. After all, a search for causes is the backbone of science, and history, and linguistics. Without this search for causes, all study is futile.

Rodolphus the Hound finally mentions Dawgrin the Dalmation. Practically all dogs accept his writings, with a few notable "pseudo-dogs," such as the three dogs of the Admiralty. Still, we think that it is flawed. Man offers a far more likely explanation, and there is no need to invoke this theory, considering how complicated it is, when one could simply use man to explain it. Also, his logic for proving this theory, that presupposes that man does not exist, is equally flawed.

Therefore, we, the Three Librarians, believe that Man exists.

We will be posting further updates. Stay posted.