Bear sweeps through the Savanna.

Bear Wins.

By The Hat

He's done it. Bear, after one of the most entertaining, annoying, delightful, joyful, and horrific campaigns in history, has swept the landscape.

The savanna voters, who, as we know, have a great love for tradition, have overwhelmingly voted for Bear. The Ant Empire literally overran the polls with Bear Ballots, so that they ran out of room for them all. The Beetle Coalition, in conjugation with the Monastery of Butterflies and the Commonwealth of Bees, have all swarmed the polls, from all sides. The Waterfall's Throne, which previously almost always voted for Mr. Nekro, now voted for Bear 90% to 9%, with 1% going to Oscar. The Mountains, with its Dragons and many other creatures, have voted exclusively for Bear. Even the reptiles, including the snakes, have voted for Bear.

Most entertaining of all, Port City, due to Mr. Nekro's "hypocrisy," voted 40% for Bear, 20% for Zebra (wonder of wonders!) and 15% for Mr. Nekro, as well as 5% for Oscar. This previous stronghold has been shattered.

Bear has also won a majority in parliament, appointing Lion, Tiger, Hunter, Bulldog, and Sheepdog to the Admiralty, effectively giving Bear total military control. The Majority leader is now Skater. The Secretary of Marine Affairs is now Dionysus the Dolphin, and the Secretaries of the Treasury are now Owly, Owlore, and Owlorey the Owls. Monkey (wonder of wonders!) is the Curiousiter, and Porcupine is the Secretary of State and War. He shares this with Serrate.

Zebra, as literally everyone expected, has endorsed Mr. Nekro at the last moment, apologizing profusely for spoiling the election, and promising to do so again next time.

Oscar has objected to the Election, the Government, the Majority, the Minority, the Country, the World, and most of all, Himself. His party was deeply moved when he read off all those objections off his paper, and some were in tears, or so they said.

Not only have these happened, but Simon, a friend of Bear, is now mayor of the seventh district of Port City, meaning that we can win it again next time. The Waterfall's Throne is now controlled by Skater, who holds the dual role of Majority Leader and Governor.

Skater and Simon have already been working on their districts, which will be truly glorious. Bear has been slashing taxes, eliminating corruption, and... with the help of Serrate... firing practically everyone. He has slashed spending from 100 trillion a year to less than 1 trillion, truly an accomplishment. 

Mr. Nekro, as everyone expected him to, has called this whole affair, "A deplorable consequence of anti-aristocratic oligarchy," though nobody knows exactly what this is supposed to mean. Zebra, though, has cried on stage, drenching the podium, the floor, and the audience in tears.

Oscar has called for the abolition of the electoral process, asking that government will grind to a halt, and not do anything until at least next Tuesday the fifth. He summed up his argument with, "I object."

Tiger, now the Second Lord of the Admiralty, has shown practically no sympathy to Zebra, much to his horror. He has said in a public statement, "Nice try, Zebra." According to a Tiger Spokesperson, he is referring to the incident in which Zebra cried through the whole debate, and then when the debate was over, he suddenly spontaneously brightened up, saying, "Did I win?" making many experts doubt his authenticity.

Mr. Nekro has exactly half of the parliamentary seats, and Bear has the other half, meaning that, as usual, the Curiousiter will be the tiebreaker, meaning that Bear can go on with his policies.

Porvalavis, as everyone expected, demanded that Bear swear allegiance to their king, or risk an invasion. Reportedly, when Bear received their notice, he laughed heartily, and invited their king to dinner, and to a cordial invasion afterwards.

We will be looking for further updates. Stay posted.