Transcript of Zebra's speech last night.

Zebra, a politician often heralded as the future of the opposition, has many controversial yet innovative policies. He made a powerful speech last night. Half of the audience was in tears. Here is the transcript of his speech:

“We have the right to be stupid, and we have the right to be lazy. Some people are born that way, and some just can’t help it. Why do you hate stupid people so much? Why don’t you care about stupid people? Don’t they have the right to be stupid? It’s not as if they can help it. You are discriminating against those who are born stupid. Why can’t you understand that since stupid people have less, they need more? It is obvious that the government should give stupid people more money, and less taxes, because they need it. Tax the rich! Tax the geniuses! Tax the technocrats! Tax the brilliants! Tax those so-called smart people, who think that they should get better treatment by the government, or even equal treatment, even though they selfishly are smarter. We stand for stupidity!

You technocrats cast doubt on IQ as a feasible way to organize taxes. You are anti-science. Science tells us that there is no biological difference between the stupid and the intelligent. It also tells us that we are born stupid, and that education is a societal construct, which forces civilization on a child’s mind. We are science! Science is us! We go hand in hand! Stupidity will overcome science, and trample it down forever, yet uplifting true science. The science of equity, fairness, and most of all, stupidity.

Therefore, I submit to you all the following proposal:

1. Job guarantees for stupid people. Each business owner must hire a certain number of people who either failed school or scored low on an IQ test. This number will change based on the size of the company. This will ensure equity in job hiring. After all, studies show that though stupid people make the majority of the population, they are the least likely to be hired. We cannot oppress people because of something they cannot help.

2. Tax raises on the technocrats. Everyone with an IQ of above 100 must pay a larger tax than before. The higher the IQ, the higher the tax. This may not help boost the stupid population enough, but it will help.

3. Reformation of the justice system to help address prejudice against stupid people. Stupid people are by far the least likely to become judges, lawyers, and doctors, and they are far more likely to make really stupid mistakes. The justice system is obviously at fault for this. If you hate stupid people so much that you don’t want to get them arrested less, then why should you be allowed to vote at all?

4. Everyone’s IQ will be scientifically measured and displayed on their passports and official documents. This will change from year to year.

5. A ban on private organization intelligence screening. Only fair, governmental organizations may take people’s IQ. This will prevent historic oppression of those with a lower IQ.

6. Right-of-way laws for stupid people. Stupid people have historically been confused with street signs. When a smart person drives the correct direction on a one-way street, and stupid people drive in the wrong way, the police almost inevitably sides with the smart person. We will make broad reforms to solve this.

7. Stay-at-home laws that allow people to spend their time sleeping at home, wasting time, and funding people who make such decisions, so as to support their lifestyle.

8. Stupidity-directed welfare. Welfare spending in general is wasted if it goes to diligent, intelligent people who don’t need it anyway. A more efficient, targeted system will lessen spending and get the money where it is needed.

9. Science-backed studies into the biological, genetic, and societal roots and foundations of stupidity, and the benefits of affirming the preferred lifestyles of laziness. These studies will also delve into the general histories of oppression of the mentally challenged, and how certain policies either affirm or suppress stupidity.

These reforms make a more equitable, just, and fair world."

As we can all see, Zebra is doing his utmost to make a more just world that we live in. We should applaud such politicians, not insult them, unlike Bear.