BREAKING: Monkey has been captured.
Monkey, the Curiousiter, has been Captured. This interesting development has occurred due to a previous piece of news, which stated that Bear's house was surrounded and Monkey was trapped inside.
Very little information is known at this point. Screams and shouts have been heard from the backyard of Bear's house. Reporters say that the vast majority of the screams have a Porvalavian accent.
Some screams, though, are predicted to come from Monkey. One such example is when the shout "I will never give in! WE WILL CONQUER!" came on, in an Eriliniland accent. The Porvalavians are reportedly having quite a hard time keeping control.
Many major news media sources have published statements on this, saying that they "neither condemn nor endorse this divisive controversy." Zebra, though, has applauded this situation as a grand move for democracy.
This is a breaking news article. We will post further updates later.
HELP! These porvalarianainians are attacking! BUT THEY WILL NOT PREVAIL!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMonkey? Are you okay?
DeleteNO I AM NOT! These porvanakrians have me captured! BUT I AM SMARTER THAN THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteDo you need some help over there?
DeleteNO! I just wanted to tell the world that I NEED HELP! Even though I don't want them respond
DeleteAre you SURE that you don't want me to charge into the backyard and have a little debate with them there?
DeleteI DO WANT YOU TO HELP, but it would revoke my complaining rights.
DeleteAh, I see.
DeleteSOMEONE HELP! I am currently in a dangerous situation and desperately need help
ReplyDeleteYOU DESERVE IT
DeleteNo I don't.
DeleteYes you do.
DeleteI object to the shouting. I object to the screaming. I object to Bear's survival. I object to the attempts on his life. I object to Monkey's capture. I object to his resistance of the capture. I object to the Midnight Dagger, the World, and myself.
ReplyDeleteWhat? What does that mean??
DeleteIs anyone going to bother saving Monkey?? He is either extremely desperate or delusional....
ReplyDeleteNOBODY CARES ABOUT ME. THAT'S BECAUSE I AM FAR SMARTER THAN THEY ARE.
DeleteCRUSH THE PORVALCAINDIFNSIS!
Finally, the tyranny is over! No more trolling, no more spamming, and no more deleting comments. Finally, we can rest in peace. Monkey is gone. We can celebrate.
ReplyDeleteSo you WANT him dead? Seriously? What type of a psychopath are you?
DeleteRoast him! Toast him! Butter him! Bake him! Toss him into a pot of lentil stew!
DeleteTHIS IS OUTRAGEOUS
DeleteMr. Kaiser is bad
Deleteand it is quite sad
Mr. Kaiser has a bad personality
and it is quite an atrocity
I don't mean to be crude,
but he is really quite rude.
Mr. Kaiser is annoying,
and if you find this poem boring,
just bear with me,
and you will see,
Mr. Kaiser is bad,
and it is quite sad
Monkey is bad
Deleteand it is quite sad
Monkey has a bad personality
and it is quite an atrocity
I don't mean to be crude,
but he is really quite rude.
Monkey is annoying,
and if you find this poem boring,
just bear with me,
and you will see,
Monkey is bad,
and it is quite sad
NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteRoast and toast WHO??
DeleteGood afternoon, Monkey, I hope you are doing well. I need you to answer some questions for an editorial I'm writing about your capture. It's going to be about the general dynamics of the entire controversy and the shaded nuances and grey areas that, in general, people disagree with. Monkey, can you hear me?
DeleteHELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteUh, yes. We will begin with these relatively straight-forward questions:
Delete1. What are your credentials and where did you get your degrees from, IF you have any?
2. What is your opinion on the subtle style Serrate uses in Parliamentary debates?
3. Have you any allergies of any sort?
4. How many Portlavians have taken you prisoner?
5. How is your psychological state now and what do you hope for the future?
These basic questions will be sufficient for now.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EDITORIAL...... I JUST NEED HELP!!!! BUT THESE PORTLAVIANANEES WILL NEVER CONQUER! I SHALL PREVAIL!!!!!
DeleteNOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteIs that a question or a statement?
DeleteIt's a command
DeleteIt's a scientific observation
DeleteMonkey deserved it!
ReplyDeleteI AM THE ONLY REAL CURIOUSITER!!!!!
DeleteNo, you are not. I AM THE CURIOUSITER
DeleteI can prove my credentials.
Delete1. I have wrestled with the press
2. I tiebreak in parliament
3. I am the Press Secretary.
4. I am Bear's personal butler.
Are you any of these things?
No, but now that you have been captured, you are no longer doing these things.
DeleteHELP! I want to be the Curiousiter again!
DeleteHELP!
ReplyDeleteHelp me understand this. You are captured, tied up, and currently wrestling with the entire Porvalavian army. While doing so, you are writing comments on the Midnight Dagger. How is this possible?
DeleteBecause I am the Curiousiter
DeleteYou are not!
DeleteYES I AM!
DeleteNO YOU ARE NOT!!!!!!
DeleteHow else could I write comments while wrestling the Porvalavian Army?
DeleteYou are just lying.
DeleteAre you claiming that the Midnight Dagger is lying?
DeleteIt is all propaganda.
DeleteYOU ARE THE ONE THAT IS LYING!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteLet's help monkey!
ReplyDeleteLet's NOT help Monkey!
DeleteCorrection: Let's CERTAINLY NOT help Monkey!
DeleteI most emphatically agree with the two enlightened commenters that preceded this comment.
DeleteMonkey how on earth did they capture you?
ReplyDeleteI am free right now! Thank you for asking!
DeleteWhat?? So all of this happened for nothing? Who rescued Monkey? How did they do it? What was the results? And was Monkey really texting on his phone the entire time??? HOW DID MONKEY SURVIVE?????
ReplyDeleteIt's all propaganda
DeleteBear rescued me, and I am the curiousiter again
DeleteI endorse this statement.
ReplyDeleteLet's have a debate again, Zebra.
DeleteCroissants for sale 3 dollars each
DeleteCroissants are NOT FOR SALE
DeleteWe do not tolerate spam and advertisements!
The grand disturber is a big big problem
DeleteAgreed
Delete