BREAKING: Porvalavian forces surround Bear's house.

The Siege of Bear

By the Hat

Porvalavis, a tiny Island in the ocean somewhere, recently declared war on Eriliniland, with the goals of taking over the entire continent. After their armies advanced, they met relatively little resistance. The massive armies of Porvalavis marched on, heeding not the laughter by which everyone laughed in a laughable way.

Recently, though, reporters have reported that Porvalavian military units have surrounded Bear's Mansion. According to reports, Porvalavians have "Muddied the front mat, painted the fence, smashed the windows, and attempted to break down the door." Bear has responded by barring the windows, barricading the door, and pouring several pounds of extremely sticky honey on his assailants. According to insiders inside the locked-up home, Bear is using the bees and ants that work for his beehive to cause havoc against the invaders. Several of Bear's servants are reportedly committing "war crimes," such as tossing pots and pans at the assailants. Two attackers have been "injured" according to some unreliable sources, and at least ten have been buttered and honeyed and creamed.

Reactions have been severe. Most Bear supporters have reiterated their support for Bear and denounced the Porvalavians as dangerous intruders. Mr. Nekro has denounced Bear's "Permissive and heavy-handed approach," and he has also said that Bear should be imprisoned for defending himself, and for not defeating his intruders. Zebra, on the other hand, has personally offered to help with the "resistance of the technocracy," a statement which has been interpreted as "Helping these Porvalavians toss bricks and things." The objection party has objected to Bear, the Porvalavians, Mr. Nekro, Zebra, the Fence around Bear's house, the destruction of the fence, Bear's house as a whole, Bear's honey, and to the Porvalavian reaction to the honey.

Several politicians were visiting Bear during this invasion. Three of the most notable ones were Monkey, the Curiousiter, Porcupine, the Secretary of State, and Penguin, the Speaker of Parliament and the Vice President. These are now trapped inside with Bear.

Reports state that Bear has enough food to last for at least a year, and maybe more, if they go on very "minimal proportions." An anonymous insider, who happens to be locked inside the house as well, has stated that "I don't know what minimal proportions are, but they are very fulfilling." Due to bricks and pots and pans tossed at his house, and due to constant crashing and smashing of the walls, Bear's mansion is in a terrible state. The Windows are smashed and are now covered with wood and bedsheets. Graffiti covers the walls, the Doorbell is disrupted, and the Doorknob is toast.

Reporters are on the spot, figuring out every tiny detail of this invasion. Several of the invaders have been asked for comment. One particularly patriotic one has said, "We will never stop till we have conquered Bear's house! LONG LIVE PORVALAVIS!"

We will be posting further updates. Stay posted