BREAKING: Tobyland Dinosaurs invades Pirate Island.
Tobyland Dinosaurs invades Pirate Island.
By the Briefcase
Recently, we have received a declaration that Tobyland Dinosaurs had invaded Pirate's Island.
Now, just to clarify, the declaration didn't say that Tobyland Dinosaurs was invading Pirate's Island. It didn't say that it started invading Pirate's Island. The truth is that it had already started last Monday.
Now, you may be wondering, "Why haven't I heard anything about this?" Well, to answer that question, it was because all of the news was preoccupied with the Porvalavian Invasion. You see, it turns out from reports that Bear intentional made a big fuss out of this whole Porvalavian Invasion sort of thing as a sort of distraction from the actions of Tobyland Dinosaurs.
It also turned out that Eriliniland easily had the military capabilities to push out Porvalavis. Why didn't anybody realize that before, I have no idea. But the moment it was suitable politically, Bear called out his armies, freed the Curiousiter, and drove out Porvalavis. Only then did we realize that there was a worldwide war on the seas. Tobyland Dinosaurs and Pirate's Island, the two greatest navies on our planet, were fighting.
Apparently, this invasion was going splendidly. Tobyland Dinosaurs burned down thousands of Pirate Ships, captured twelve Pirate Captains, and captured several hundred pounds of gold. The only problem is that Tobyland Dinosaurs has no land forces that are worth anything at all. This wasn't much of a problem, since Pirate Island doesn't have any land forces either. But, for the time being, this invasion is mostly port blockades and burned ships in harbors.
We'll be posting later updates. And let's just hope that this new piece of news is not a coverup for something else
Let the pirates taste our wrath!
ReplyDeleteMonkey are you still captured by Porvalavis?
DeleteNot anymore!
DeleteLet them.
ReplyDeleteI WANT ME GOLD BACK YE SCALLYWAGS!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of nonsensical nonsense is this? You won't get any gold, but rather you will get the full wrath and anger and nonsense of TOBYLAND DINOSAURS.
DeleteI'LL TAKE ON THE WORLD FOR ME PRECIOUS GOOOoOOoOOLD
DeleteSince when did Pirates troll the most sacred and esteemed Midnight Dagger?
DeleteYou'll lose every ounce of your gold when TOBYLAND DINOSAURS stomps through your land, burning and hacking and breaking.
BE PREPARED!
We have a pirate here! Delightful! I always wanted to see a pirate! I am far smarter than they are. Want me to prove it?
DeleteThis is all due to anti-pirate biases in our country.
DeleteSo now you support Pirates, not just idiots? I fear what will come next: criminals, maybe?
DeleteYou hate Pirates!
DeleteWell, not quite. More accurately, I think that they are incorrectly located on our planet. They should live in prisons.
DeleteYou are a piratephobic technocrat who doesn't care about idiots!
DeleteWhen, exactly, did I say that?
DeleteYou just said that Pirates belong in Prisons! How hateful! How Piratephobic!
DeleteYou hate pirates! Why else do you support genocide in Pirate's Island?
So, are you now saying that Prison is not a nice place? Are you prisonphobic? Or, worse, prisonerphobic?
DeleteAre you saying that Pirates would be worse off as prisoners? As if being a prisoner is a bad thing?
How hateful and prisonerphobic!
Yes it is
DeleteSo are you saying that pirates would be worse off if they were prisoners? As if being a prisoner was a bad thing? How prisonerphobic!
DeleteThat's not what I meant
DeleteYes it is
DeleteNo it's not
DeleteIt totally is.
DeleteI really love prisoners, and believe in freedom of prisons, to go in and out of prisons. That's why I support humane and personally tailored prisons, with no bars.
DeleteSo, why shouldn't pirates be placed in prisons? After all, prisons are great
DeleteThey can go in if they like. I just don't support forcing pirates into prisons.
DeleteYou would agree, though, that if we don't force pirates to stop pirating, they will stop others from traveling the seas?
DeleteYes, but two wrongs don't make a right.
Deleteanything wrong with telling Pirates not to do bad things?
DeleteNo, but you all are doing it with WEAPONS
DeleteQuite. Any other suggestion?
DeleteDon't use weapons
DeleteDon't use weapons? How do you get pirates to stop, then?
DeleteKindness and empathy go a long way.
DeleteHas it worked before? You remember when Cain the Canary was appointed ambassador to Pirate's Island
DeleteThat was an isolated incident. MOST OF THE TIME, that does not happen. Usually, kindness and empathy work really well.
DeleteWell then, if you can give me examples of when it did in fact work, that would be appreciated.
DeleteOf course it will work! It's just common sense.
DeleteIt isn't. We have tried it before. It seriously does not work.
DeleteBut shouldn't we be kind and empathetic?
DeleteYes. But we also need to be serious.
DeleteCan't we be serious and kind, and actually try to help them?
DeleteOf course. The best way to do so is to help them obey the rules.
DeleteIs that all you care about? Enforcing rules?
DeleteThat's quite important, though.
DeleteNo it isn't.
DeleteI am inclined to disagree. How is stopping pirates "not important?"
DeleteIt just isn't.
DeleteThat is really not helpful.
DeleteHere is the grand question of the day: Does Tobyland Dinosaurs need our help?
ReplyDeleteMOST CERTAINLY NOT. Tobyland dinosaurs has the right to exist, but not to steal our money
DeleteWhy, that's quite a flawed assessment. Projecting strength abroad benefits us, not to mention making us look really good
DeleteMaybe it does, but it is NOT FAIR
DeleteLife's not fair
DeleteFair point
DeleteEven so, the fairer the better!
DeleteBut fairness is not our highest priority. It is STRENGTH
DeleteThat's what they all say!
DeleteCorrection: THAT is what they all say!
DeleteThat's what everyone says. Everyone accuses each other of saying things that are said by everyone else.
DeleteThis is GREAT NEWS I can not believe it.
ReplyDeletewar on pirates Island what great news!!!!!
Agreed to an extent. Nothing really will result, except a show-off for Tobyland Dinosaurs, which could be considered to be a good thing.
DeleteOh that makes sense...because the Portlavians invading Bear's house seemed kind of ridiculous...
ReplyDeleteWhat you a-say?? Last a-Mon-a-day? And why the a-Midnight dagger didn't know about-it bee-fore? Were they so caught up with the Portlavian invasion and a-Monkey being a-captured? They should've been more a-vigilant, the Midnight dagger a-should've been.
ReplyDelete