Why The Crown's apology is insufficient.

 Why The Crown's Apology Is Insufficient for the Major Insults That Were Hurled at Me for Caring About Stupid People

By guest contributor, Zebra.

Hello everyone, I am Zebra. Recently, after giving a great speech, that showed how much I care for stupid people like you and me, The Mantle, a horrifyingly terrible person, published a response which claimed that he DISAGREED. Can you imagine? I said that I cared for stupid people in my speech, and he disagreed with my speech, meaning that he hates stupid people. Meaning that you should not vote for him. Meaning that you should vote for me instead, since I am the only person who cares about stupid people.

Everyone knows that The Mantle is Tiger, the Second Lord of the Admiralty. You know, he once debated me, and threatened to EAT ME ALIVE if I didn't swear an oath of loyalty to Bear, and unless I said that stupid people are idiots (which they are not. They can't help being idiots. Which is why they should vote for me). I refused, and he roared, and then, after I shed tears in solidarity with stupid people and stupidity as a whole, something terrible happened. He laughed! Soon, the entire audience was laughing with him. I was justifiably angry at this demeaning of stupid people, but I decided that I would proudly bear the ridicule of the technocrats at stupid people. I proudly sat up in my seat, but everyone laughed all the more.

Now, after this horrid incident, The Mantle (Tiger) has attacked me again in an article that claims I am stupid. Here is the article. It was so insulting that when I read it at home, I broke down in tears, so as to show solidarity with stupidity. He claimed I am stupid (Which I am) and that I am an idiot (a label I bear proudly for my people) and that I was absurd (which had an element of truth). How insulting. Furthermore, he claimed my policies were stupid! He obviously does not understand that that is the whole point. We stand for stupidity and stupid people. But then he claimed, horrifically, that stupid people don't matter. I am mad. This is not right. This is not fair. Stupid people deserve to be recognized for their identity, and for their stupidity.

We filed a couple of defamation lawsuits, all of which failed horrifically. It was because of the Judges that Bear appointed, who obviously were biased. Normally, they all vote for us. But after Bear, they always go for the smartest verdict possible, which is really extreme bias masked as credibility. But afterwards, The Crown (Lion) on the Midnight Dagger wrote an apology. Here it is. He said that they really didn't mean to call us stupid (even though we are). He then said, using his dry sense of humor, that we aren't actually helping stupid people. This was the worst insult that he could have given. The very idea that I would not care about stupid people is ridiculous. And very not stupid, which is bad.

He then went on to critique my admittedly stupid policies. He claimed that they would not work. Of course not. We stand for stupidity! And we sit, walk, and sleep for stupidity as well. Our policies do not work! That's the whole point. It shows solidarity with stupid people.

But then he went on to say that my policies don't benefit stupid people. Let me respond.

1. Job guarantees for stupid people. Seriously? Does The Crown (Lion) claim that they don't help stupid people? What a stupid idea! And very not-stupid all the same.

2. Tax raises on smart people. Of course this helps. We want to be as important as smart people, including being as rich as them.

3. Reformation of the justice system to make stupid people get arrested less. When the Crown denies that this will work, he is saying that he wants stupid people to be arrested more. How horrific! He does not care about stupid people! When you say that stupid criminals should be arrested, you are saying that stupid people should be arrested, which is bad.

4. Mandating that IQ should be displayed on passports is common sense. Why shouldn't people's identity become reality, and earn a place on their passports? Common sense. And you are stupid to think otherwise. And very not-stupid all the same.

5. See 4. We don't want businesses to discriminate.

6. Right of way laws for stupid people. Does the Crown say that he DOES NOT WANT STUPID PEOPLE TO HAVE EASY DRIVING?

7. Stay at home laws affirm people's lifestyle. Not affirming people's lifestyles damage mental health, which leads to depression, which leads to suicide, meaning that Lion LITERALLY WANTS STUPID PEOPLE DEAD. And he seriously wants you to vote for him.

8. Stupidity directed welfare is common sense. Or, to rephrase that, common stupidity.

9. Lion is obviously anti-science here.

To conclude, I am far better than The Crown (Lion) and you should vote for me instead. And stop reading the Midnight Dagger.