Zebra gives his worst speech ever (and that's saying something.)

 Zebra's Worst Speech Ever

By The Mantle.

Yesterday, Zebra, the "politician of the future," has given his worst speech ever. Of all terrible speeches Zebra has given, of every fake tear shed, of all his wailings and public torments, and then asking for applause, this was the absolute Worst. For a simple reason. It was the first time Zebra was being honest.

He told everyone exactly what he wanted, and everyone saw how ridiculous it was.

He started the speech by saying that "We have the right to be stupid, and we have the right to be lazy." That is true. And I have the right to fire you for being stupid and lazy. He continues: "Some people are born that way, and some just can’t help it. Why do you hate stupid people so much?" Now, to clarify, I never said that, but even if that is true, it is definitely not true that some people are born stupid. To give one example (I usually don't tell anybody, but this is between friends) I used to be, well, stupid. And now, I am smart. Very smart. I would dare you to find three people that are smarter than me.

But continuing on. "Why don’t you care about stupid people? Don’t they have the right to be stupid? It’s not as if they can help it. You are discriminating against those who are born stupid." Again, just to put the record straight, I never said that either. Admittedly, I once said that idiologists are stupid, but, considering Zebra, he should take it as a compliment. I also said that people should make an effort to be less stupid, but there is nothing insulting about that. I never said I hated stupid people, just I hate their stupidity. There is a difference.

But continuing on. "You are discriminating against those who are born stupid. Why can’t you understand that since stupid people have less, they need more?" Yes, Zebra is correct. I can't understand why people who do less get more. 

Continuing on: "It is obvious that the government should give stupid people more money, and less taxes, because they need it. Tax the rich! Tax the geniuses! Tax the technocrats! Tax the brilliants! Tax those so-called smart people, who think that they should get better treatment by the government, or even equal treatment, even though they selfishly are smarter. We stand for stupidity!" So, basically, zebra wants people who do less to get more, and people who do more to get less. You get what happens next: everyone does less. Another point: there is nothing selfish about being smart. And no, just to clarify, stupid people don't need more money from the government, they need to be less stupid.

Zebra continues, as idiotically as before: You technocrats cast doubt on IQ as a feasible way to organize taxes. You are anti-science." Now, to clarify, people who support stupidity are probably the anti-science ones. But anyway. I do think IQ is a ridiculous way of organizing taxes. Science can tell us whether it is accurate: it cannot tell us whether we should organize taxes based on stupidity at all. Seriously, this whole thing is ridiculous.

"Science tells us that there is no biological difference between the stupid and the intelligent. It also tells us that we are born stupid, and that education is a societal construct, which forces civilization on a child’s mind." This is purely childish. Every person with half of a brain knows that education "forces" civilization on a child's mind. That's the whole point of education. Furthermore, everyone knows that there aren't a specific, immutable group of "stupid" people, and a group of "smart" people. People can be either smart or stupid, and treating stupidity like something that happens to you, rather than something you initiate, is ridiculous.

 Next, Zebra continues to give a list of proposals that he would do if he became President. It is good that he said this, or else we would have had to say this first. Let us go over them, one by one.

First, job guarantees for stupid people. Idiotic. And stupid. It is actually a good thing that stupid people are hired less, so that stupid people will stop being stupid, so as to get a job.

Next, tax raises on the technocrats. Basically everyone.

Next, reformation of the justice system, so as to make stupid people be arrested less. I assume that that either means that he will conduct less arrests of stupid people (so stupid, dangerous maniacs will roam the streets) or that he will actively arrest more smart people (so innocent people will go to jail.) Either way, bad idea.

As for measuring IQ on passports, this is pretty pointless.

As for banning IQ tests for anybody but the government, again, rather pointless.

Right of way laws for stupid people are pure lunacy. This means that the lower the IQ on your passport, the easier it is for you to cross the street. And high IQ people must wait for hours as stupid people drive through.

Stay-at-home laws are probably one of the most destructive. So, basically, everyone stays at home, and nothing gets done in society.

Stupidity directed welfare is ridiculous, for it rewards rather than stops stupidity.

Finally, his "science backed studies" are just a lot of propaganda. Nothing scientific about them.

So, to conclude, his policies are idiotic, and you most certainly should not vote for them. Or actually, on second thought, vote for them. It'll draw off votes from Mr. Nekro.

This article is an opinion piece. It probably expresses the opinion of the Midnight Dagger, but, since there is a small chance that it does no, we still don't take any responsibility for it.