Midnight Dagger

   In the grand fortress of Wind's Door, above the second flight of stairs, is a great room of Stone. Stone benches surround the room. Atop these benches, mossy blankets are placed, and the Five Authors of the Midnight Dagger, as well as Admiral Zebra, take their seats. Lion:  Hello, everyone. We have with us over here Zebra, second chief junior petty admiral officer superior of the Royal petty chief Coastguard of Port City. He is the first and third person to hold that title, after his cousin, who was the second person to hold such a title. He also has a degree of propaganda from Porvalavis. As well as this, he was personally tutored by Sargus the Perplexed Himself, receiving the Award of Stupidity and Idiocy.  Let us introduce ourselves. I am Lionel Leonard Lionheart the Third, the First Lord of the Admiralty. I hold the world record for PhDs, topping fifty-five last month. I have a degree in political science from the University of Port City (before its downfall) ...

   Breaking: Zebra consents to an interview with the Midnight Dagger. By the editorial board of the Midnight Dagger After a recent spar that occurred between the Midnight Dagger and the Portvalatvian Times, which was spearheaded by The Mantle and Zebra, we got tired and decided to take a break. As we were munching on venison and pies, the Mantle suddenly thought of a brilliant joke. We would send Zebra a request for an interview. We drafted it as follows: Hello, Zebra. This is The Crown, The Mantle, The Hat, The Umbrella, and The Briefcase. We are the editorial board of the Midnight Dagger. We have decided to invite you to an interview. If you do not accept, the Skies will turn purple, the Grass will taste like Mustard, the Trees will turn yellow, and we will all call you stupid again. We intended this purely as a joke, and we drafted our apologies beforehand. But then, contrary to all expectations,  Zebra accepted.  This surprising development took us all by shock. ...

 The City Faceoff By the Hat In every election, there comes a moment when every moderate becomes a hardcore partisan, where the objection party loses–and gains–millions of followers, and when every hope of the inexperienced parties is shattered. It is the City Faceoff. A coin is flipped, each candidate receives governorship of a city for a month, and the election is decided afterwards. The numbers are carefully calculated, and everyone in those cities are required to take a poll every three days, or risk higher taxes. These polls also document satisfaction with the government, net worth, employment status, and much more. Whoever ruins their credentials, and their city, has practically no chance of winning the election. This has happened before, many times. The most extreme example is when Eriliniland was invaded due to one Objectionist. What happens is simple. Each candidate is appointed a city, and we decide who ran it the best. As such, this gives voters an opportunity to learn m...